Obituary Of The Late Mr Common Sense

Apologies to all those who’ve seen this before.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No-one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; & maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound, financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) & reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; & a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

His health declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion, or an Elastoplast, to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant & wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; & criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home & the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap & was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents: Truth, & Trust; his wife: Discretion; along with his daughter, & son: Responsibility, & Reason. He is survived by his 4 step-brothers: I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; & I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

5 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I presume you’ll be following this up with more tabloid material. I look forward to “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD” soon followed by “UN WANTS WORLD GOVERNMENT”.

    The Ten Commandments aren’t contraband, its the compulsion to believe in them that is.

  2. Chris Samuel

    It’s probably worth remembering that the McDonalds coffee incident was pretty severe, Wikipedia says:

    Liebeck was taken to the hospital, where it was determined that she had suffered third-degree burns on six percent of her skin and lesser burns over sixteen percent. She remained in the hospital for eight days while she underwent skin grafting. Two years of treatment followed.

  3. etbe

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebeck_v._McDonald's_Restaurants

    Also note that Stella Liebeck only originally wanted $20K to cover medical expenses. It was only when the nasty food factory refused that request that it came to a court case.

    The changes to school discipline are a good thing. I can clearly remember watching the head-mistress of a Christian primary school giving a frenzied beating to a grade-6 boy. There are many teachers who should not be trusted to look after animals. It would be good if teachers had to obey the law at all times (it didn’t happen when I was at school and I have not seen any evidence to suggest that things have changed since).

    It’s ironic that the story you forwarded complains about the 10 commandments supposedly becoming contraband (forcing religion on other people’s children is a bad thing anyway) while it also complains about a sexual harassment charge against a 6yo boy. It’s the fundamentalist Christians who want to enforce strange sexual harassment laws on children. A better example though is the two children charged of statutory rape against each other – they both were willingly involved in having sex.

    Parental consent for anything that might involve an allergy is a good thing. While the number of children who die of anaphalactic shock is small – it’s still too many.

    As for not informing parents of a student becoming pregnant, was that in the context of school medical staff, a cleric, or a psychologist? In those cases there are expectations of confidentiality, and for good reason – some jobs can’t be done if the worker in question is expected to blab.

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